It's hard to imagine what life would be like if things were different. I guess I have the case of the firsts.

Of course, I want everything I do with someone else to be special. There's something about being FIRST that makes everything seem warm and glittery. It's sharing an experience that you have never shared with anyone before. How does it feel to put effort and love into something, only to realize later that it has been done before? Not only has it already been done, it has been done BETTER. And that will always be the case wouldn't it? Things will always be better the first time around.

Suddenly, the movies I thought were special to us have lost their lustre, the notes, the gifts are not unique or creative and the times we spent just being together always poses a question: Am I good enough?

I can argue that every experience you share with someone is new. Even if it is repetitive, the fact that it is with someone else becomes an entirely new experience.

I've been feeling a bit down lately. I don't have little quirks or inside jokes from which I can generate a beautiful set of memories, like the one before me. The lovely moments I thought we shared had already been shared with someone else.

It's not a matter of competition. I just feel like a knock off version of someone better.