I had a mental breakdown today...and it didn't look good. Everything was going fine until I realized that my life is horribly out of place.

Post grad depression right? Who knew life after grad would be this difficult?

My life has no structure. I have a list of things to do for the day, which barely leaves any time for eating and exercising so I've been consistently packing on some weight. On top of this monstrosity, people throw things at me to do (and they swear it's for my own good). "Go take Mandarin lessons, look for jobs overseas, other boards in Ontario, you can live at the cottage! Visit some schools, get connected with principals. Come see me and we'll party it up! ..."

I can't take it so HERE (in no particular order):

1. I don't want to go overseas. Sure, I can be adventurous and spontaneous...but I will when I can enjoy it. I don't want to leave my life behind while I spend the suggested 1-5 years in a foreign place telling myself "It's ok. It'll only be for a little while."

2. On that note, I don't want to go to the middle of butt fuck nowhere living in my family's cottage with no heat, no Internet, no phone line, no cable and sharing living quarters with a family of mice who poop in my bed.

3. I HATE drinking. Yeah, try to comprehend that. I enjoy an occasional brew on a hot summer's night or winter's night in but cocktails, martinis...no thanks. I hate to break it to you, but I grew out of it two years ago. So bar nights and dancing...count me out please? I swear the only time I will set foot in a bar is for someone's birthday or my bachelorette party.

4. My perfect date night is staying in. I dig lounging around in sweatpants and tshirts, watching a movie and napping hardcore. Of course, I'll go out for tea and coffee and dinner too.

5. I don't have money ok? I make a fingernail's worth of a sad salary at my very sad job and I'm trying to SAVE it for my own apartment. Cost of living in Toronto is expensive and I have more important things on my mind than gallavanting around the world before I can afford it.

6. I don't care for old fashion logic. Meaning, I don't care that memaw from church clucks her tongue at me when I don't attend weekly worship. I love my family but it's not fair to judge me based on the dating code from 1965. Yes parents, couples DO take trips together and they're not ALWAYS expected home by 10 P.M.. If you're judging me, who's judging you?? Memaw from church? Because it always goes back to how many people will talk about you behind your back eh? It's 2009 and we're all adults.

7. I know my parents desperately want me to get in touch with my ethnic "roots". This doesn't mean I'm going to search up Mandarin classes to fit in my disorganized schedule. I'm also not going to do any research regarding the economy in China or read any books written by secret service agents on what the US does with their money.

8. Number 8 really has nothing to do with me but it bugs me so why not?

I despise Facebook spammers. I despise those friends on Facebook who spam your newsfeed with pointless quiz results commentated by "Oh nooooo!! I gotz angelababy lols. SO naive and innocent =_=' " and the like. Who could forget the webcam portraits: "I was so bored!! Hahaaha." You weren't bored. You were procrastinating by camera whoring.

9. I can't be a humanitarian or an environmentalist. I would like to...but I lack the passion and the drive to proactively go out there and do something. Instead, I try to do good things for people on a daily basis. It works.

I guess this post was more of a complaint than things I love. But it feels good to write everything down and take a breath. Now if you excuse me, I think it's time for bed.

September 8th rolls around this year and while freshmen celebrate a new chapter in their lives, I can't help but feel a little envious. I want to body paint, pie the leaders in the face, wear funny clothes, act a fool, wave my arms like I just don't care...!

I think what I miss the most is being part of something with a whole lot of people who are feeling the same way: Nervous, excited...

It's sad to understand that my time in the educational system has come to an end. Gone are the academic days of late night essays and gabbing on the phone about who-did-what-with-who. We've been conditioned to schedule our lives around school that when it is all said and done, the lingering question is Now What?

-Make some money? (Need a job)
-Get a job, start a career. (Do those four years of studying American Lit help at all?)
-Move out. (Broke)

A list like this makes me want to go back and be in 3rd grade again when all that I can see ahead of me is school school school. Way back when "growing up" was a pretty concept saved for your imagination.

Still, frosh week is a happy time. A time of uncertainty and the realization of dreams come true.



HAPPY FROSHING!

I've thought about it. After taking a long hiatus from my previous blog, I've decided to revive it and give it some love by writing about...

Things I Love!

So I thought I'd start off with this:



I love this photo for many reasons.

1) Summertime! And the beach is my favorite place to be.
2) That dress is so freakin comfortable.
3) The guy holding my hand.

This photo was taken by my friend and her boyfriend who enlisted us to take some pretty portraits. They're so talented =). Take a peek!